Showing posts with label baby. Show all posts
Showing posts with label baby. Show all posts

Monday, January 13, 2014

Literary Reality: Why Anne Shirley Is One of My Most Bosom Friends



When I was a girl, I read all of LM Montgomery’s books.  At least twice.  So many heroines in novels these days are superficial.  Their problems are ridiculous or, at the very least, unlikely to happen to the everyday woman.  Perhaps that is the point: novels are a form of escapism.  To be able to leave your own mundane life behind you and get lost in a lifestyle far removed from your own definitely has its perks at times.  Still, do you regard any of those “heroines” as friends?  Do you look back fondly on them years later, thankful for the experiences that you “shared” together?

It is very rare that I do.  I’ve read more than my fair share of books throughout the course of my life, the number is somewhere in the thousands.  There is little in the written word that has stuck with me, though, that has woven itself into the fabric of my “mundane” life.  The Bible, obviously, is the greatest and, I hope, most noticeable life-shaper, Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress, so often heard on tape that I once had it nearly memorized word for word, and Anne.  Anne Shirley.  She was so relatable, our circumstances so similar and yet vastly different.  Looking back—even as an adult, a wife and mother myself now—I still count Anne Shirley among my most bosomest of bosom friends.  Why? 

She was someone with whom I grew up, one whose adventures I shared.  The older I became, the more dear she became because her character developed naturally, her entire life literally an open book.  We both struggled with finding friends, with insecurity, with catty girls.  Anne and I both loved to read, we both lived life in a perpetual day dream, and we both went through a disastrous hair dying experience (why did I not learn from Anne?).  Anne and Gilbert, who eventually became her husband, fought and struggled through their youth and young adulthood to reach a point where they were not bickering over petty things. 

I laughed with Anne.  I cried with Anne.  I grew with Anne.  She was an example in so many ways, a positive influence that helped to shape me. Unlike so many series or books that end with the marriage of the hero and heroine and perhaps a brief epilogue detailing their utter joy and bliss, LM Montgomery chose to continue with Anne’s story.  When Anne and Gilbert finally got over their differences and got married, and there was no “happily ever after” ending, the kind that gives girls unrealistic expectations for marriage, there was the “real” story.  Anne’s history is the kind of tale that lets girls know that marriage is joy and happiness . . . but it’s also work and heartache.

Anne loved her husband, but she wasn’t perfect; her life wasn’t free from real trials and problems.  She watched her children grow and struggle, she saw daughters grow into women and get married, she sent sons off to war and anxiously waited for their return.  Anne is every woman.  Real, human, she experienced nearly every emotion possible to women.

Early in her marriage, she hit a rock that often sends couples tumbling through turmoil.  She experienced acute pain . . . the kind of tortuous pain that so many women face at some point in their lives.  When I got to the book Anne’s House of Dreams, I was devastated, even angry with my favorite author for stripping Anne of Joyce, the little girl who dies shortly after birth.  Why did Anne have to experience that anguish?  Why would my beloved Anne have to endure more pain?  Why did I have to experience it with her?  I get it now.  I understand in a way that I wish I did not.

It’s hard to love a heroine who only has minor mishaps.  It’s difficult to relate to someone who has not experienced real pain.  After I lost my little girl two years ago, I found a renewed kinship with Anne Shirley Blythe.  As women, we survived the most difficult blow, pressed on after our hearts had shattered.  Was Anne ever the same after losing little Joyce?  No.  How could she be?  Did life continue and did she embrace it to the best of her ability?  Yes.  That is what counts.  In my opinion, THAT is what made LM Montgomery such an amazing, enduring success of an author—she crafted a heroine who was capable of empathizing with women in good times and bad, a friend who would understand.   

The end of the holidays, as depressing as they always have been, now, more than ever, serves as a reminder of what God has done in my life.  I remember the little girl that God gave to me for just a whisper of time, I mourn her sudden loss, and I remember the little boy with the huge grin that God gave me to help heal my broken heart.  It’s overwhelming. 

God has given me much, and for that I am thankful.  This year He blessed us abundantly, and I rejoice in His goodness.  As silly as it may sound, and perhaps only those who have ever had a deep, emotionally connection with a fictional “person” will understand, but I count Anne Shirley among my blessings. 

Anne with an “e” has been around for most of my life, through the good times and bad.  She was there when I was a loner with my nose constantly in a book, she was a part of my wedding joy when I walked down the aisle to her theme, and she was there, in the back of my mind, when my heart was at its lowest point.  So yes, I admit that it may seem odd that I count a fictional girl, one from a book not even religious, as a blessing, but I do . . . and I can’t wait to share her with Natalie, my oldest girl who is already turning into a bibliophile.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Today was the day was the day that our sweet little Anise Joy was due.  While I don't think that one ever quite gets over the loss of a child so dearly wanted, I know that God had other plans for us today.  Instead of giving birth to a child, we got to see another.  Rather than being 40 weeks pregnant, I am nearly 20.  Today, we found out that we are having a _________!!  I'll reveal that in another post on a later date . . . once we've spread the word a little more personally (which does not mean Facebook--I'm trying to see how long we can go without making this child "Facebook Official").

Our latest little one was rather camera shy, which ended up working to our advantage because, while the incredibly nice, super nerdy (she and the doctor were totally geeking out over brain shots---"Oh man!  What a beautiful corpus callosum.  So perfectly aligned!" giggle, giggle) tech  was trying to determine our little one's gender and to get a profile shot for us, we got tons and tons of photos--almost 10 in all.  Way more than we ever got with Natalie.  We got hands, legs, feet, and then finally a gender shot followed by several profiles of another thumb-sucking little one.  We were in there for about an hour and a half.  Healthy baby, so we're happy about that, and a few concerns about me, but other than that, everything looks great!

Little Tootsies

Look at them legs!

Little profile with a hand by the face


Another thumb sucking kid . . .


Friday, April 13, 2012

Slow Down!

The past week has brought SO many changes in Natalie!  For starters, my month of singing only the "clap your hands" lines of If You're Happy and You Know It paid off.  Natalie not only knows how to clap right now, but she wants to clap any time she hears praise, applause, or music.  It's pretty cool.

She finally began to crawl for real--she's been able to do it for a few weeks, but she preferred to scoot because it was faster for her.  Now that she's perfected the crawl, she's everywhere.  Literally.

On the heels of this accomplishment, she decided to pull herself up on anything and everything and to stand.  Constantly.  If she's not standing, she's trying to figure out how to stand.  This started yesterday, and already she's standing in her crib, standing by the coffee table, and trying to be standing everywhere else.

Also, Pippi the cat has decided that Natalie is on her love list.  Sure, she has always been protective of Natalie, but now she will go snuggle up against her even when I'm not right there.  Natalie gets away with things that would send Pippi on the attack with most others--pulling her ears and tail, patting her, throwing her arms around her . . . It's a little scary for me because Pippi still gets irritated by too much attention and will take a swipe once in a while when she's had enough (usually she just gets up and leaves), but I've been so thankful that it appears that she keeps her claws IN when she bats Natalie away because Natalie isn't covered in scratches.  They are buddies.

It seems that all of a sudden my little baby is growing up and trying to show me that she isn't quite so little anymore.  But then she gets tired, pops her thumb in her mouth, and snuggles her head into my shoulder--and I know that she will always be my little girl.



Thursday, February 2, 2012

What I Learned When a Loving God Took My Baby

Whenever there is a loss in life, a great trial or tragedy, people often wonder how a "loving God" could have allowed such a thing to occur.  The answer often is not clear to mortal minds, but I know that, in this instance, God used great sorrow to grow amazing love.

The week before Christmas, I found out that I was five weeks pregnant.  Once the initial shock wore off, I was super excited, albeit a little scared, that I was going to have two children so close together.  Playmates, best friends, life-long companions--perhaps even closer than my sister and I are because my two were going to be just fourteen months apart instead of thirty.  We shared our news with family and a few close friends around the holidays, and our happiness only grew.  My mind was filled with dreams of the next year--two babies around the tree, double strollers, and joy.

Just before I was eight weeks along, just a month away from entering my second trimester, I lost the baby.  Words cannot describe the agony that wrenched my soul as I realized that I would never hold my little girl in my arms, that her birthday would come and go . . . without her, that the life that was within my womb was no more.  Grief.  Pain.  Devastation.  I am still struggling with it.

Through it all, however, I have felt the arms of Jesus holding me close to His heart.  I have felt His love surrounding me.  I have felt His strength upholding me and giving me the power to make it through each day.

Why would a loving God take my baby when it was already so loved?  There are so many healthy babies whose lives are taken from them by mothers who don't want them--why did God take a little girl whose parents were excited to meet her?

I don't know.

But that doesn't make God any less loving and compassionate.  In fact, it has drawn me closer to Him and introduced me to His love in a whole new way.  God says, "I love you, and I know what is best for you, my child."  As He has guided and continues to lead me through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I see and feel His light encompassing me.   I cling to Him and He holds me close.  I cry and He wipes my tears.  I pray and He tenderly listens.

One might say that I prayed that God would save my baby and that He didn't answer . . . but He did.  His answer was no.  Now, I have a little girl waiting for me in heaven.  As I envision her running into the arms of Jesus, it draws me closer to my Lord.

How could I still love a God who would allow me to experience such heart-rending pain?  I honestly don't know--I just know that I do.  I understand that God will never give me more than I can handle, and that He has given me the ultimate test of my faith.  It is one thing to die for Christ--it is another to sacrifice the child for whom you would die.  God asked Isaac of Abraham, and Abraham was willing.  God did not ask me, but my test was whether or not I would serve Him in the end.  I do.

Looking neither to the right nor to the left, I will follow Him, no matter the cost.  For me the cost seems high indeed--but I understand just a little more just how much God paid to redeem me.  The blood of His innocent Son shed before His eyes.  What a sacrifice, what a cost, what a love this is.  I will praise Him for His goodness, and thank Him for His love.  And one day, one day, I will shout with joy when I join my little girl in the Everlasting Arms.

Through the darkest night He leads me, leads me, leads me.
In my hour of need, He holds my hand.
Though the world would tear me from Him, firm He keeps me,
Guiding me on to His promised land.


Monday, September 26, 2011

Must Be Love

(Image from Discovery Channel)

It is my humble opinion that having children can be one of the most disgusting jobs around.  Seriously.  I'm considering calling up Mike Rowe and asking him to come and do a Dirty Jobs episode at my home.

Today, Natalie's stomach decided that something was wrong.  She projectile vomited, vomited, and vomited some more all over herself, me, and the futon.  The two of us were dripping, I was soaked through, and the futon had puddles on it.

Natalie sat and giggled after it was over, and I, covered in foul-smelling curdled milk, took a moment to think about how much I love her in between thoughts of "How on EARTH am I going to clean both of us up without tracking this mess everywhere?!?"

Well, I ran to the laundry room and pulled out a blanket.  After putting Natalie on the blanket and ascertaining that she did not have a temperature (thank God!), I pulled her diaper off and ran her to the bathroom for a quick bath.  In the ten seconds that she was out of her diaper, she somehow had to go to the bathroom . . . diaper-less . . . all over my bathroom.

There were no paper towels in the bathroom, and I didn't want to risk running with her to the kitchen lest we have another accident, this time on the wood floors; therefore, I grabbed some tissues, threw them onto the floor to soak in the mess, and quickly bathed my daughter.

Carefully, I pulled her out of the tub and into a towel, making sure the whole time that I did NOT let her touch my body because I was still covered in grossness.  Once her diaper was on, I put her down for a nap so that I could get everything cleaned up.

While not the first time something so disgusting has occurred, the magnitude of this event has definitely stepped things up some.

Now, I get easily grossed out.  If I hear someone else being sick, I instantly begin gagging.  If I see someone else being sick, chances are that I will be sick in a minute too.  If I even hear about a story like this, my stomach begins to churn.

So answer me this: if my stomach is that weak, why is it that I still want to take care of this child who made a mess all over me and my house?  Must be love.

It gives me yet another little glimpse at how much God loves His children.  Our sin to Him is much worse than the contents of my baby's stomach, but He loves us anyway.  While Natalie doesn't often create such a mess, we sin many times each and every day.  As a mother has unconditional love for her child, so much more does God look upon His own with eyes of love because His Son has covered the grossness and vileness of our sins with His grace and righteousness.

All seriousness aside, though, I still think that Mike Rowe could have a pretty nifty episode if he came over for a day.  I mean, come on--how many of you have a job as DIRTY as mine?!

Monday, August 1, 2011

Words Redefined by Motherhood (Part 1)

Misery:

The moment in the morning after a wakeful night when you realize that your baby is not going to cry herself back to sleep so that you can catch up on your own rest (the lack of which was caused by said baby).

Redemption:

The moment when said crying infant smiles up at you when you pick her up to feed her.

Bliss:

What you feel for your pillow the few times your head is actually able to hit it at any time during the day or night.