Wow, it's been a while. Oh well . . . surviving midterms was a necessary evil, I suppose.
As I consider where I am in this year in relation to my life last year, I am thankful. While life currently could NOT be called a piece of cake, I am in no way dealing with the kind of emotional issues that plagued me last year. Last year, during this time, I was watching my grandfather die. Seeing him slowly fade between visits, I really struggled. I've always been one to keep my emotions bottled up: to make light of them when asked and to hide them away in some secret place in my heart. As I painfully learned through the events of last year, this is a VERY dangerous thing to do. Early in the summer, I had the most painful five days of my life. A woman I loved took her own life on Thursday, my paternal grandfather died on Sunday, and my maternal grandfather was diagnosed with cancer on Monday. Did I share my grief? Not really. I didn't feel like dealing with people's pity, their sorrowful looks and words, showing my own weakness, or hearing that "Well, God is sovereign . . ." I knew God was sovereign and that did help, but that also didn't take away the grief that consumed me. I see how just how sinful and foolish my actions (or rather lack thereof) were. God means for His people to comfort each other. By stubbornly holding to my own pride, I deprived myself of the love that could have surrounded me. I became somewhat morose, I started gaining weight, and I was very unhappy. While I still struggle with various issues, I am learning to become more open. Containing my grief until it's simmered into bitterness is wrong. I am slowly taking things day by day, praying constantly that God would guide me and help me through my trials, and trusting that God does indeed have plans for a future and a hope for me.
Jeremiah 29:11-14 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the LORD, and I will bring you back from your captivity;